Among the best artists and artisans, tenacious resolve to perfect one’s work drives the investment in self. Think of William Charles Macready, an English actor of nearly two hundred years ago. Day-in, day-out, project after project, he prompted himself toward perfecting his acting, taking him above his best intentions, and high among the great actors of his century. Nothing but a large sample of entries from his diaries can show this, for resolve to be a perfectionist is invisible in anything less than a panoramic survey:
[January 4, 1833] My acting to-night was coarse and crude –- no identification of myself with the scene; and what increased my chagrin on the subject, some persons in the pit gave frequent vent to indulgent and misplaced admiration. The consciousness of unmerited applause makes it quite painful and even humiliating to me.
[May 28, 1833] I acted Hamlet, although with much to censure, yet with a spirit, and feeling of words and situations, that I think I have never done before.
[July 28, 1833] I have begun more seriously this month to apply to the study of my profession, impelled by the necessity which the present state of the drama creates. . . . To do my best is still my duty to myself and to my children, and I will do it.
[August 27, 1833] Acted particularly well William Tell, with collectedness, energy and truth; the audience felt it. I spoke in my own manly voice, and took time to discriminate. I was much pleased.
[August 29, 1833] At the rehearsal of Lear I found myself very deficient, undecided, uncollected; in short, unprepared for the attempt.
[October 22, 1833] Felt tired and dissatisfied with myself.
[November 20, 1833] Read Antony through the whole evening and discovering many things to improve and bring out the effect of the part. . . .
[December 9, 1833] I am ashamed, grieved and distressed to acknowledge the truth: I acted disgracefully, worse than I have done for years; I shall shrink from looking into a newspaper to-morrow, for I deserve all that can be said in censure of me.
[May 20, 1834] Before rising, thought over the madness of Lear, which now begins to obtain something resembling that possession of my mind which is necessary to success in whatever we desire to reach excellence.
[October 25,1834] Low and distressed; forgot the beginning of my first speech to Amintor; acted as I used to act three or four years ago, not like myself now. Could not do what I proposed at rehearsal.
[December 10, 1834] Went to the theatre, where I acted William Tell only tolerably; was a good deal distressed by the actors, imperfect and inattentive. . . .
[January 17, 1835] Acted King Lear unequally –- wanted the sustaining stimulant of an enthusiastic audience -– wanted in them the sensibility to feel quickly what I did. . . .
[March 6, 1835] Went to theatre and should have acted Oakley well, but that in the only scene in which the performers were not very imperfect with me, the prompter in every pause I made in a scene where the pauses are effects kept shouting “the word” to me till I was ready to go and knock him down.
[September 29, 1835] I returned to Macbeth. It is strange that I do not feel myself at all satisfied with myself: I cannot reach in execution the standard of my own conception. I cannot do it; and I am about to enter on the season which will decide my fortune, with the drawback of the consciousness of not being able to realize my own imaginations.
[October 16, 1835] Went to theatre and acted Hamlet, not as I did the last time -– I felt then the inspiration of the part; to-night I felt as if I had a load upon my shoulders. The actors said I played well. The audience called for me and made me go forward. Wallace, Forster, and H. Smith, who came into my room, all thought I played well -– but I did not. I was not satisfied with myself –- there was effort, and very little free flow of passion.
[February 27, 1836] I acted Othello –- I scarcely know in what way –- not to please myself; the truth is, I have lost the tone, the pitch of voice, the directness of the part, and I strive in vain to recall it; perhaps and, as I believe, because I do not strive enough. . . .
[May 26, 1836] Rehearsed Ion with much care. Went to the theatre and acted the character as well as I have ever played any previous one, with more inspiration, more complete abandonment, more infusion of myself into another being, than I have been able to attain in my performances for some time. . . .
[October 10, 1836] Went to theatre. Acted Macbeth as badly as I acted well on Monday last. The gallery was noisy, but that is no excuse for me; I could not feel myself in the part. I was labouring to play Macbeth; on Monday last I was Macbeth. . . . Oh, God! Oh, God! Shall I never learn to act with wisdom?
[December 7, 1836] Mrs. Glover observed to me, hoping I should not be offended at the observation, that she had never seen such an improvement in my person as in myself lately. I told her I was extremely gratified to hear her say so, since every art needed study and was progressive in its course towards perfection.
[January 2, 1837] Acted Lord Hastings very, very ill indeed, in the worst possible taste and style. I really am ashamed to think of it; the audience applauded, but I deserve some reprobation. . . . Whatever is good enough to play is good enough to play well, and I could have acted this character very well if I had prepared myself as I should have done. Without study I can do nothing.
[June 19, 1837] I laboured through Richard, but it was labour, and most ineffectual. I was very bad, very bad.
[August 29, 1837] Acted Virginius miserably; it was painful to myself, and could have been satisfactory to no one.
[September 20, 1837] Acted Ion very languidly indeed; occupation through the day is scarcely compatible with a really successful performance. The nerves and spirits cannot keep their tone. How strange are the thoughts that pass through one’s brain, when acting without being possessed by the character.
[April 7, 1838] Acted Foscari very well. Was very warmly received on my appearance; was called for at the end of the tragedy and received by the whole house standing up and waving handkerchiefs with great enthusiasm.
[February 18, 1839] Acted King Lear well. The Queen was present, and I pointed at her the beautiful lines, ‘Poor naked wretches!’ . . .
[April 16, 1839] Acted King Lear very well –- as well, if not better than I had ever done.
[July 16, 1839] Rose and prepared to play in a very depressed condition. My reception was so great, from a house crowded in every part, that I was shaken by it. I acted King Henry V better than I had yet done, and the house responded to the spirit in which I played.
[September 30, 1839] Acted Shylock, and tried to do my best; but how unavailing is all reasoning against painful facts –- the performance was an utter failure.
[July 21, 1840] Began to act Jacques very fairly, but was thrown off my balance by a man in the gallery vociferating: “What do you go on for, spoiling Shakespeare,” etc. I caught no more, for the audience was roused and he was turned out. But he was right in judgment, however barbarous and ungentlemanly his method of giving publicity to it.
[April 26, 1841] Acted Macbeth in my very best manner, positively improving several passages. . . . I have improved, Macbeth.
[February 23, 1842] Acted Gisippus, I must admit, not well, not finished; not like a great actor. . . . The effect of the play was success; but I am not satisfied.
[March 3, 1843] I entered this morning upon my fiftieth birthday. How very little of self-approval attends the review of my past life -– how much of self-reproach!
[March 23, 1843] Acted Iago better, I think, than I ever have before done.
[June 14, 1843] I was resolved to act my best, and I think I never played Macbeth so well.
[October 23, 1843] Acted Macbeth equal, if not superior, as a whole, to any performance I have ever given of the character.
[January 19, 1844] Could not please myself in the performance of Hamlet. . . .
[March 1, 1844] Rehearsed King Lear, with a perfect consciousness of my utter inability to do justice to my own conception of the character.
[May 30, 1844] Acted Hamlet; the latter part, i. e., after the first act, in a really splendid style. I felt myself the man.
[November 21, 1845] Acted Hamlet as well, or better, than I ever did.
[January 12, 1846] Went to rehearsal, where I was much annoyed by the manifest indifference of those persons, who call themselves actors, in the scenes which I had several times rehearsed with them on Saturday. They made the very same mistakes, proving that they had never looked at
their books, had made no memorandum, nor, in fact, ever thought upon
the business for which they received the price of their daily bread.
[March 2, 1846] On reviewing the performance I can conscientiously pronounce it one of the very best I have given of Hamlet.
[May 11, 1846] Acted King Lear very languidly and not at all possessed with the character.
[June 18, 1847] Acted King Lear with much care and power, and was received by a most kind and sympathetic and enthusiastic audience.
[November 17, 1847] Acted Cardinal Wolsey, as I thought very well, to a very insensible audience. Am I deteriorating as I grow older?
[November 24, 1847] Acted Philip Van Artevelde ten times better than the last night.
[February 21, 1848] Acted Macbeth, I think, with peculiar strength, care, and effect. . . .
[December 2, 1848] Acted Hamlet with care and energy. . . .
[January 4, 1849] For the first time I saw in the glass to-day that I really am an old man. My mind does not feel old. . . .
[March 7, 1849] Acted Cardinal Richelieu; not to my satisfaction, being greatly disconcerted by – what? – Ha! upon how small a thing the success of an actor’s perfect identification depends–upon my beard being loose, and torturing me for four acts with the fear of its dropping off!!
[October 8, 1849] Acted Macbeth. . . . I never acted better, in many parts never so well, so feelingly and so true.
[January 18, 1850] Acted King Henry IV very well; and Lord Townly better, I think, than I have ever before done it.
[November 27, 1850] Acted Hamlet in my very, very best manner; it is the last time but one I shall ever appear in this wonderful character. . . . I acted with that feeling; I never acted better. I felt my allegiance to Shakespeare, the glorious, the divine. Was called and welcomed with enthusiasm.
[January 3, 1851] Acted Virginius, one of the most brilliant and powerful performances of the character I have ever given.
[January 16, 1851] Acted Virginius, for the last time, as I have scarcely ever -– no, never–acted it before; with discrimination, energy, and pathos, exceeding any former effort. The audience were greatly excited.
[January 22, 1851] Acted Iago with a vigour and discrimination that I have never surpassed, if ever equalled.
[February 26, 1851] Acted Macbeth as I never, never before acted it; with a reality, a vigour, a truth, a dignity that I never before threw into my delineation of this favourite character.
(quoted from The Life of the Creative Spirit, beginning on p. 123)
Recent Comments